Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login

A Prophecy Worth Blood

Prophecy is both a gift and a curse. It can gift a man with insight into the future that can benefit all of mankind, but it can also curse him with knowledge that others will kill to obtain or to silence.

—Terrand of Malorez, Master Prophet

Malorez Province
Angvardi Empire
429, Third Age

The sound of iron shod hooves clattering against cobblestones rang out as three dozen men rode hard toward a drab monastery nestled in a small grove of trees miles down the road. The men ignored the cold winter wind that bit at their cheeks and the looming darkness from the shortened days. They knew the way to their destination well and the simple road guided them even in the dim light. All of these men were dressed in expensive heavy plate armor with mail beneath and carried spears in their hand and a sword on their belt. Each wore the crest of their emperor upon their chest plate. The silver mountain and the four golden stars above it seemed to glow faintly on the field of red with its gold trim. The leader had no spear, but instead carried a standard with the same crest that fluttered behind him as they rode. Their horses had armor of their own that was a combination of small plates on the head and chest and polished black leather on the flanks.

Their destination seemed a mockery of their dress and manner. There were no bright colors or fancy standards to be seen, only a line of laundry drying to the side. The monastery was already lit with torches and a large lamp at the highest bell tower, but the light showed only the dull brown and tan surfaces made from stone. A few cloaked figures milled around carrying out various tasks or simply meditating before evening prayer. The monastery itself was not impressive to the eyes, either. Its highest point, the lit bell tower, was only twelve feet above the horizon and the rest of the buildings were simple structures mostly meant to house those who lived inside. There was a perimeter fence, but it was designed to keep the chickens in rather than as a defensive barrier.

As soon as the riders approached, the heads of the cloaked figures rose to see who was arriving in such haste. By the time the riders came to the front door, a dozen of the inhabitants had assembled outside.

One stepped forward and took in the score of men who were glaring down at him from atop their mounts. These were the best soldiers in the Empire and answered only to the emperor or his empress. The monk kept his chin up and said with a voice that was strong, but not threatening, "You are not permitted upon these grounds."

The leader of the riders handed the standard to one of his subordinates before dismounting. He took two steps forward and replied, "By the authority of the Emperor, I command you to bring forth Master Prophet Terrand."

The cloaked man who had first spoken stood firm. "This monastery is under the authority of the Way. Not even the Emperor himself can command the gods. Your commands hold no weight here."

The officer set his jaw and said in a harsh voice, "They do tonight. Stand aside, acolyte, or we will cut you down where you stand."

With a glance to his brothers on either side, the cloaked man freed his hands from within his cloak to show they were empty. He knew that his next words would be his last, but there was no other option. He answered to a higher power than these men and the will of that higher power dictated a different path. With resolute sadness weighing down his voice, he said for the third time, "You are not permitted on these grounds."

True to his word, the officer pulled out his sword and ran the acolyte through. His men sprang into action and either threw their spears or dismounted in complete silence. Before their feet touched the ground, eight of the acolytes were dead with wooden shafts sticking out of their chests. Despite the suddenness of the carnage, the remaining three men did not flee or cry out in terror. Each had known where their actions would lead them, and each accepted their fate willingly.

The dozen men who had gone out to meet the riders fell in seconds, their blood staining the cobblestone road or repainting the walls behind them. The riders had all dismounted and spread out into the monastery leaving four of their number to watch the horses. There were no cries of pain or fear from the squat buildings even as its inhabitants were slaughtered. Each cloaked man stood their ground and accepted their fate without any signs of cowardice or hesitation. The riders did not scream out in the heat of the moment or mock those they slaughtered, they just carried out their grim task in silence.

In minutes, only one inhabitant of the monastery remained alive. He stood calmly in the central courtyard with his eyes closed in meditation while his brethren were slaughtered around him. The man was of middle age, clean shaven, and wore a simple dark blue robe that differentiated himself from the others. The riders killed all else, but none touched him until the massacre was complete.

When all was done, the leader of the riders stepped into the courtyard carrying a torch taken from the monastery. "Prophet Terrand, you are commanded by Emperor Caterin of Angvard to return to Angvard City and to reveal to him your latest prophecy in its entirety, omitting nothing. The penalty for not doing this is the most painful death and the destruction of your Order."

Terrand looked at the seasoned warrior in front of him and took note of the blood dripping from his sword and armor. He did not shrink back as the man approached, but stood tall with a calm, almost serene expression on his face. "You are a most interesting man, Captain Wasitpan," he said in a melodic voice. "Your fate is known to me, and it is not one you expect. Your death will be long in coming, but you will wish for it to come far sooner. Do you wish to know the manner in which you will die?"

Captain Wasitpan growled and slapped the prophet across the face with his gauntleted hand. "I will not hear of your lies!" he spat out.

From the ground, Terrand looked up at the warrior, but made no effort to get back up. "Very well, young Captain Wasitpan, your fate shall remain known only to me." He paused and looked upward to the twilight sky. "The prophecy your master wishes is a complex one indeed, dependent on many factors all falling into place. Should any of those factors not come true, all shall collapse in on itself into meaninglessness." He raised a single finger. "But should the Immortal forces of good and evil properly conspire to bring forth the needed factors, the world itself will quake in fear and hope."

With a small chuckle—the first emotion the man had displayed during the entire massacre—he continued, "A time will come when One will come into being that will change the world. He will command armies mightier than any Teladia has seen before and all will answer to him, for good or ill, wherever he goes. He will unite the lands in true harmony and rule over them all.

"Beware, dear captain, for he shall be known by the following. War will not be his choice, but it will dominate his life. He will despise fighting, but will embrace it eagerly. He will be a leader of men but will not seek to lead. He will give up that which he holds most dear, but will gain that which is necessary in exchange. He will fall before he rises. He will have no children, but all will call him father. He will be a stranger in many lands, but be welcomed in them. He will be strong and fierce against those who oppose him, but gentle and kind to those who join him. When he is needed, he will arise to carry out his purpose of saving us all from the Coming Darkness. All will bow before his strength, for he will be the one who masters magic."

The captain was not satisfied and kicked the prophet with his steel boot. "We know this to be true, it has been spoken of by others for centuries. What has not been confirmed is who this man is or where is he from. You alone have seen this and that is what the Emperor demands!"

"My poor captain, I would not tell you that for all the wealth in the world," Terrand said with another chuckle. "Not all prophecy is meant for all ears. Your emperor will never know my prophecy, neither will his heirs for generations on end. Not until it is too late will his line know that their end is at hand."

Wasitpan kicked the man again and replied with a confident sneer, "We will see about that. A few weeks in the torture chambers will loosen your lips."

Again, he was greeted with a chuckle, this one a little louder. "No, for you forget that I am a prophet, one gifted by the gods themselves with their wisdom and foresight. I have known this day would come for years. Indeed, my time here is done, but you shall not lay another finger upon me."

Intending to disprove the prophet's claims, the captain reached down for the bruised man. Before he could reach him, a strange sound like the popping of a large bubble erupted from the intended victim. Wasitpan was thrown back across the courtyard. His torch was blown out from a mighty rushing wind that caused the worn robes on the laundry line to flap violently.

The light from the torch was no longer needed, though, because Prophet Terrand was consumed in flames that lit the entire monastery like a bonfire. Wasitpan's men shielded their eyes from both the wind and the sudden light, but they could not shield their ears from the sound of the prophet's laughter as his own body was consumed by the fire. The captain and his men cowered in awe and terror at the magic before them. After a handful of seconds, the wind, fire, and laughter died out leaving nothing but the whisper of the wind where the prophet once was.
This and all material related to the Master of Magic series is copywritten by me. Unless otherwise mentioned or you have explicit permission from me, you cannot use anything related for any purpose.

This is the Prologue to the first novel of the Master of Magic series called The One Who Masters Magic. This is the second draft that will have significantly more contact (1/3 longer).

I am most interested in feedback with as much detail as you can give, even if it is to express changes or disagreement with how I did something. I may not agree with you or change what is there, but I can promise you that I will heed and consider anything you put.

This will also have the complete selection of chapter links so anyone who needs to find a specific chapter can do so by clicking here.

Related Links


Prologue: A Prophecy Worth Blood
~Part I: The Exiled One~
Ch. 1: War and Conscription
Ch. 2: The Taste of Defeat
Ch. 3: Polite Torture
Ch. 4: A Welcome in Kubei
Ch. 5: Honeymoon With a Stranger
Ch. 6: Learning of Lunch
Ch. 7: Chaos in the Tower
Ch. 8: A Dire Prophecy
Ch. 9: Friends Old and New
Ch. 10: Secret Dreams
Ch. 11: Riders in the Dark
Ch. 12: A Matter of Honor
Ch. 13: A Realization Too Late
Ch. 14: Hot Steel and Conspiracies
Ch. 15: Blood and Vengeance
Ch. 16: A Sign and a Voice
Ch. 17: Loss in Victory
Ch. 18: Dungeons in the Dark
Ch. 19: Where Hope Ends
~Part II: The Kruish Lord~
Ch. 20: On the Edge of Subeleth
Ch. 21: In the Empress' Court
Ch. 22: One Who Knows
Ch. 23: A Taste of the Immortal
Ch. 24: Learning of Destiny
Ch. 25: To Choose to Love
Ch. 26: A Reunion
Ch. 27: Death on the Sand
Ch. 28: The Lord of Thwrud
Ch. 29: Plans Over Dinner
Ch. 30: The Wisdom of a High Priest
Ch. 31: Cousin and Kings
Ch. 32: Wizards, Necromancers, and Prophets
Ch. 33: Promises and Hopes
Ch. 34: Brought Into Balance
Ch. 35: Three Conversations
Ch. 36: Raiding the Kitchen
Ch. 37: Two Journeys West
Epilogue: The Judgment of the Hall


Continent of Teladia
Political Map of Teladia, 3E 1048
Size Comparison of Teladia and Europe
Size Comparison of Teladia and the US


Kruish Runic Chart
Add a Comment:
AzureAngel2ihrs Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2013
This is a story that I will take time to read during the next weeks. Would like to comment more, but I rather start to read this now, because the story really sucks me in.
Trivas Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2013
It isn't a short story. Right now, the second draft is looking to be about 350,000 words which is somewhere around the 900-950 paperback novel pages range. I do hope that you come to enjoy it and that you can offer feedback so I can improve it.
AzureAngel2ihrs Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2013
I was fully aware that it is not a short story. This is why I will take time reading it with my busy teacher job. About the feedback, yes I will.
Taggy-Baby Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
As I stated before, I like how vivid and well described this scene is. That has not changed.

“With a small chuckle—the first emotion the man had displayed during the entire massacre—he…” The flow of this snippet is not as great as the rest. I think it could stand to be rewritten.

I have read on since you asked(Or since I knew you asked) for real feedback and I honestly wish I could hear more about the capitan. I think it is just my curiosity about his fate, but he is a character I hope to hear more about in the future.

I hope I was helpful.
Trivas Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2013
I will ponder and examine that section you pointed out. It could end up being altered and enhanced, if not in now, in the third draft.

As for Captain Wasitpan, I am not finished with him. It may be as simple as a reference to his fate in the novels themselves or I may create another Prologue with him in it. I could even include him in one of the several short stories I hope to write. Either way, I have decided from the start that he will be visited again.
Taggy-Baby Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Well I am glad, and I would be thrilled if you wrote some short stories. While I cannot write them worth a lick I do enjoy reading them.
Trivas Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2013
I have a great number of things I need to get sorted out about that time period. Once I do, I will see about writing a short story about it. I may even do it from the captain's perspective.
Taggy-Baby Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
That would be interesting. One thing that some authors do that has always irritated me is when they introduce a character like him and hint at his fate or that he plays a big part and then just forgets about them.
Trivas Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013
I hate that, too. I also like when characters who made a small appearance in one novel come back in later ones for reprisal roles, even if they are small. It gives a sense of continuity and connectiveness.
Taggy-Baby Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Yeah, I read one author who did that a lot. Then they got into the habbit of killing off my favorite characters and I had to stop reading. lol
Trivas Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013
This author wouldn't happen to have the initials of GRRM, would they? Because if so, then I totally agree with you (though I did keep reading).
(1 Reply)
GhostyPenguin Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
So one thing I like and one thing I don't like? I could do that.

In the first sentence, ‘clanged’ doesn’t fit, clattered maybe, but horse’s hooves, even when shoed never really clang.

I like how the prophecy sort of contradicts it’s self, I hope that makes sense.
Trivas Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2013
Thank you for reading. I hope that you have the time and desire to read through all of the chapters.

Hmmm, you seem to have a point about "clanged." I can definitely buy "clattered" as the adjective there.
GhostyPenguin Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome, I am sure I will continue to read it. It seems very interesting.
Shynar-the-Direwolf Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
As you requested I have read and paid extra attention.

I found that the prophet could be a little cheekier when he tells the Capitan that he knows he is going to die. Maybe he could say ‘Did you really think I would not know of this day?’ so he isn’t being blatantly mean, but he is still pushing the Capitan to his wits end.

I also found that some of the lines were a bit repetitive, like how he keeps kicking him; I would have him hit Terrand with the flat of his sword

Then at the end I think it should have (Even if it is just a blurb) what the Capitan is feeling, is he scared? Angry? Guilt? Empty? I believe it would make him more real in the readers mind instead of just a tool used by the author to start the story.
Trivas Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2013
Thank you very much for doing this. Every single suggestion helps. Even if I don't accept them this instance, it gives me food for thought in the future (such as your last point about allowing readers to know the reactions of even minor characters).

Well, Terrand is not trying to push poor Wasitpan to his wits end. If anything, he feels sorry for him because the captain is a tool (of the Emperor and, truthfully, by a much more powerful force). Terrand is not a cruel man, as will be explored later on, but he does have sympathy for those who act without knowing why and are nothing but pawns in life.

As for kicking, Wasitpan only did it twice, and the second time was more out of frustration than anything. I will consider it, but I am not so sure that I will change it.

However, regarding your last suggestion, I think it is a good idea to give Wasitpan a chance at reacting, even if it is just a few words. Give me a bit and I should have a small edit up.
Trivas Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2013
Thank you. I hope you enjoy them as you go along.
LupusIntus Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Very intriguing.
You have a very professional voice in your writing that I do not see very often on dA and you provide a good amount of description in each paragraph.

I will peruse further Chapters (I've only gotten through Ch. 1) in the near future, as I am able.
Well done! :)
Taggy-Baby Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Well, I am hooked... You have created a very vivid, and slightly frightening picture here, but I understand, I mean sometimes you need a little violence to set up conflict. I will certainly continue to read and try to comment when I can!
Trivas Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013
Thank you for showing interest. I hope you like what you read.

The world is full of violence and Teladia is no different. As the entire continent gears up for mass war as part of the clash of realms, the body count will only continue to go up. This is a tale of nations, orders, religions, individuals, and entire realms fighting to survive against and conquer each other. It starts off small, but I build it up as more and more nations and individuals are brought into the struggle.
Taggy-Baby Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
ou're welcome, I can't wait to see how it all goes!
4sauce4 Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013  Student Writer
The truth is, I've been seeing the later chapters for this cropping up in the group I'm in, but I keep skipping over them.
Finally, I made the decision to start from the beginning and see what this is all about.

First of all, you have a really brilliant introduction here. I'm thoroughly impressed by the efforts that seems to have gone into this. I can see that there is a vast, unexplored world for us readers, exciting and making us anticipate rest of the work. I, for one, am interested to see the outcome.
The execution and pacing is well done, and I see you have a good understanding of dialogue and how to utilize it. You have a firm grasp on the concept of show; don't tell, which many writers have such trouble with. (I'm included in that one.) Your writing is very visual, further driving that nail into the map of this world you're slowly unraveling.

My other remarks mostly deal with grammar and sentence flow:

The monk kept his chin up and said with a strong but non-hostile voice...
There are other terms that could be used in the place of "non-hostile" that don't sound so clunky. One suggestion I might offer would be "a strong but unassuming voice". If you dislike the sound of that, you might try, "said strongly but not aggressively..."

The leader of the riders handed the standard to another rider and dismounted.
This repetition struck me oddly. Omitting "of the riders" would be a quick fix. You could also write, "handed the standard to one of his companions..." or "subordinates" or what have you.

He knew that his next words would be his last
There's nothing wrong with this except that there's a similar statement within the same paragraph here: "...he said for the last time..." Rewriting one of these or removing one entirely might be something for you to consider.

Each had known where their actions would lead them and each accepted their fate willingly.
Add a comma after "would lead them" are commanded by Emperor Caterin of Angvard to return to Angvard...
Avoid repetition. My suggestion is to say "return with us" instead.

Terrand's looked up at the warrior
Terrand's what?
all shall collapse in on itself into meaningless.
Same issue here. Meaningless what?

Most of what I have here are mere suggestions. Take and leave what you will. :)
I have enjoyed this first installment exceedingly and plan to read what follows. Very well done, and I wish you luck in all of your current and future endeavors.

Trivas Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013
First off, I am extremely grateful for the detailed feedback. This is the type of stuff I hope for when putting the story out, but I understand that such things take time and not everyone has that time or interest to devote, so I will take what I can get.

Out of curiosity, which group did you see this in? I have the novel running in multiple groups and am curious which one you saw it in.

Thank you for the compliments. I am glad you liked it and hope you continue to do so. This singular Prologue has gone under the most scrutiny and work because it is so important as the first introduction. Several people have offered bits and pieces much like you have to tweak and improve it. Sadly, as you can see, there is room for improvement. I do sincerely hope to get a professional editor one day to go over this line by line with me before I submit this for publication.

One note, make sure to check out the map that is linked here. It will prove extremely valuable as you read on because I don't always provide detailed descriptions of various locations. I assume that the reader is at least somewhat familiar with the map or, at least, is willing to look stuff up simply because to do otherwise would take a lot of time and bore everyone.

As I promised, I shall respond to what you suggested bit by bit.

Regarding the first four suggestions, they are all very good and changes shall be implemented.

The fourth one, regarding the name, that one I think will need to stay. The thing is, "Emperor Caterin of Angvard" is the man's name (not just a title or description of what he is emperor of) and the second use of "Angvard" is in reference to the city itself. What I can do is add "City" to the second use of Angvard to help clarify that and perhaps bring some diversity.

The last two are, well, rather embarrassing omissions and errors that I frequently overlook. The first should be just "Terrand looked" and the second should be "meaninglessness."

All of the corrections have been added to both the Master Document and the DA submission here.
4sauce4 Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2013  Student Writer
Much thanks for evaluating and considering my suggestions :D

Hmm. Chapter 19 is the one that came up recently, but when I look back, it isn't in any of the groups I'm a part of. Perhaps it was in #TheScribblists group. I believe they're currently cleaning out their folders.
Trivas Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2013
Well, isn't that something. I am a part of and have been contributing these to the Scribblists and they have removed my chapters from their lists. That is, well, disheartening.
4sauce4 Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2013  Student Writer
I think everyone's got removed ^^;
You should be able to resubmit to the new folder without any problems.
Trivas Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2013
Yes, I noticed that, but it is pretty annoying having to go back and resubmit 20 deviations and keeping up with when I am allowed to do it (daily submission limits are evil, but I understand them). I am glad they got some more organization there, though. It will all work out in the long run, but for the moment it just means more work and more to keep up with.
Zireael07 Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This is brilliant! I'll be sure to read the rest....
Trivas Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012
Thank you. I am glad you like it and hope you enjoy the rest of the novel.
FreakyFanatic101 Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Holy macaroni and all things fluffy! I am favoriting this, subscribing to you, reading what you have...... this is the kind of writing I'm aspiring to do. You have my support in any of this. You are amazing.
Trivas Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012
Thank you. I see that you have commented on a few other chapters and I really do appreciate it. If you have any questions as you read, feel free to ask in the comments sections of that chapter and I will do my best to respond to them all.
FreakyFanatic101 Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Will do!
VeronikaKru Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This is huge. I had goose bumps during reading. Although this is just prologue, it caught me right away, forcing me to read on and learn what happened next.
An editor I am not, but the text itself wingedly flowed on its own, every word in place, every expression polished into perfection. My dear Trivas, this perfection is your greatest asset and also gravest flaw.
Though the fate of captain Wasitpan was but outlined here, I crave to hear/read more about him for he seems to be an exceptional man with an exceptional fate as you teasingly indicated.

You and your writing abilities left me humbled and grateful I've had you and still have you by my side.

your Nika :forgiveme:
Trivas Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2012
The captain doesn't make another appearance for a great amount of time (the story jumps hundreds of years in the first chapter). Still, he has a story and it will be eventually told.

It is hardly perfection, but I have worked hard on this part especially. I am glad you like it and hope that I can keep your interest throughout the rest of the story.
Tallbrain123 Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2012
I agree, this is an excellent prologue. Plenty of details (which I never could get the hang of). I'll be looking out for future excerpts.

Oh, and sorry I couldn't give a better critique, I'm not very good at writing myself.
Trivas Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2012
Thank you. This has been picked over by a fine tooth comb multiple times and rewritten and sorted simply because it is the start and every book needs a good intro. The next three chapters will be up shortly as it has already been through the second draft, I just need to format them for DA an set it all up.
luffluff Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Are you an author? This is seriously as if you took it from an actuall published book and posted it here. Incredible, best I've read on DA.

If you have published any book, please let me know.
Trivas Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2012
I have not published anything as of yet, but I intend on publishing this after a good deal more work. This is the first in what will probably be a nine book series. When I started, I planned on a trilogy, but as I started writing, I realized that I had too much information and had to cut the book into three. As of now, 250,000 words are finished, but they will need extensive reworking.

Keep an eye out, more chapters are going to be put up here as I rework them.
luffluff Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'll keep an eye out indeed. I'm so envious of how good of a writer you are.. Do keep up that amazing work, I'll "watch". Hopefully I'll improve by simply reading the incredible works of literature.
Add a Comment:

:icontrivas: More from Trivas

Featured in Collections

read by Depressinglyhappy

Original stories by Zireael07

Writings by Count-Hoenhiem

More from DeviantArt


Submitted on
August 7, 2012
File Size
10.0 KB


23 (who?)